Have, and am, experiencing two totally different types of family situations regarding funeral planning at this time. Walter’s mom passed 10 days ago and my mom is now in hospice and is not anticipated to be with us for long. Walter’s mom planned all her funeral choices almost 30 years ago whereas my mom did not. This has resulted in her children now making a number of these decisions for her.
I have to admit I’ve struggled with this the past few weeks. I know I am of a different bent than my siblings on a number of philosophies. In this case I am of the opinion (sorry this may just be one of those areas I cannot just observe) it is up to the individual to choose how they wish their send off to be managed. The caveat being, that if someone dies unexpectedly, some decisions may have to be made without their input. However, if they are still aware and able to converse, why would we not ask them their opinion?
People plan for their demise all the time – they choose life insurance, they make a will and update it, they sign a non-resuscitate order (if that is their position) and some even complete a donor card which may be attached to their drivers license. So, why is it some have not consider what they want done for their send off?
I’ve already explained to Walter most of my wishes…and have even recently mentioned to Gregory that I wish to be cremated and then buried under a tree so as it grows, it may carry a piece of me with it. He suggested I consider a tree which flowers in the spring time so not only will the tree grow but it will also be full of beauty. Love this idea!
So…I wonder, is it supposed to be up to the living to plan their own send off or should it be put to the remaining living to decide for the deceased, hoping to properly fulfill the wishes of their loved one? Or it could be that the funeral is for the living…so allow the remaining living to choose.
I don’t believe there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer here. It may be simply that any answer will depend on each individual situation. I observe that while I prefer to have structure and guidelines I’m sure my mom’s situation will evolve as it is meant to. And as the answers unfold, I pray I am able to represent my mom in a manner that she would want.
This blog is meant to elicit conversation. So please, I ask of you, share your perspective for this case. I am appreciative of any mastermind thoughts on the situation. Gracias!