Forgiveness….Wow….That’s a tough one!
There are a number of people, family and friends, I believed I had forgiven. Recently though I started asking myself whether that was indeed the case. While I made “nicey nice” towards those who (I perceived) had done me wrong, I still had nothing to do with them, having cut them out of my life completely. Therefore, had I actually forgiven them? I may have misled myself OR possibly convinced myself that I had succeeded where in reality I had just avoided dealing with this.
When Mark J mentioned on Sundays call that we needed to start with forgiving ourselves, I has to ask myself whether I had done this? If I was not successful with forgiving THEM…was I also not successful with forgiving myself?
As per the Merriam-Webster Dictionary
verb \fər-ˈgiv, fȯr-\
: to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)
: to stop feeling anger about (something) : to forgive someone for (something wrong)
: to stop requiring payment of (money that is owed)
Allow me to now pause on this subject for a moment…I’ll come back to the family and friends part later on.
Originally I was going to delete the last point of the definition. It did not seem to fit with what we were talking about. The first two points clearly related to my forgiveness line of questioning. I then looked more closely at the last point.
Ah…VERY interesting. It’s not the definition which readily comes to mind when thinking about this verb. However, I had heard it used when referring to a debt (more often than not, a financial one). But maybe it DID fit in with the other two.
Now stay with me here….I don’t want to lose you (or myself LOL).
Using the 3rd point of the definition…Imagine that we now look at the specific words in a slightly different way:
“to stop requiring (read expecting) payment (read reciprocity) of money (read enrichment) that is owed (read we believe is our due)”
When extrapolated…this now reads “to stop expecting reciprocity of the enrichment that we believe is our due?
If we did this…THEN we would be offering forgiveness!
Let us now look a bit closer at the 4th point on our Law of Giving card: I promise to give, without (read having no) expectation of reciprocity from the channels I enrich, because I know I am in the dynamic flow of giving and receiving.
If we stop having any expectation for reciprocity we have in essence forgiven – but it is not ourselves we forgive – it is not those whom we must forgive – it just is.
The same way we are being taught in Scroll II to ‘greet the day with love in our hearts’ we must greet the day with absolute and utter forgiveness in our hearts. Not specific to anyone or to anything – just 100% forgiveness to everything, everyone, every action. BE forgiveness.
By accomplishing this we allow ourselves to be fully open to being loved, honoured, given to, thanked, etc. We cannot receive unless we have forgiven. Without forgiveness we cannot be open to the law. By forgiving in its entirety, we allow the law of giving and receiving to work as intended.
I now go back to whether I had succeeded at forgiving my family / friends?
I had not. BUT I now know what I am to do.
Second – I can then look towards my family and friends and realize that in order to forgive them I must give them the gift of true acceptance. Whatever I perceived they have done is no longer. It is gone. (one of my husband’s favourite expressions is “yesterday ended at midnight” – how true!).
In order to allow the Law of Giving to be available for me, within me, I must forgive myself unequivocally. I must then forgive everyone else, everything else, without exception. Truly give the gift without expecting anything back. THEN and only THEN would I be set free to be in a position to receive.