Through Blue Coloured Glasses

184084703488432767LJozly3ScMany of us have heard the expression about people seeing the world through “rose coloured” glasses. Typically meaning someone has a cheerful or optimistic outlook – sometimes to an excessive degree. 

blue roses pictures (3)Turns out I’m blue

Not the sad kind of blue but based upon the Color Code, my core motivation is paired up with the colour blue. Within this program there are 4 colours (red, blue, yellow & white) and most of us have a mixture of all 4 – with the highest percentage being considered your core and the others being secondary influencers.

While I do happen to have all 4 colours, I have very little white (less than 2%).  Walter’s main colour is white. Core motivation is one thing but it also turns out there is a direct correlation to communication style.  

Walter and I were sitting around the fire this past evening (we live in the city but it felt like we were at camp with the neighbours fire crackling in the darkness on their side of the fence) when he shared that he had an idea. He explained it to me with enthusiasm and excitement – this was going to make a huge shift! 

blue 1

I immediately started asked why he said this and why had he not thought of that. After a bit of back and forth his idea had changed into something different.  The basic premise being similar but the details having shifted.

blue 3bI was a tad frustrated throughout this exchange.  When I announce having an idea it’s usually after I formulated the concept, considered the possible permutations and explored all the avenues I could think of. 

I explained to Walter that his words did not match his intention – if he had an idea, why had it not been totally thought through and why did he so easily alter his idea?  He explained it was said with the intent to seek my thoughts and to discuss and flesh out the idea. 

huh_450Why had he not said that in the first place?  I suggested he do this in the future. It would make it easier for me to understand the flow of what was being discussed AND if I knew this up front I would not get frustrated with the conversation.

Being the wonderful man that he is Walter calmly explained that he is always seeking my thoughts and always expects that we will flesh out any idea together – he values my opinion.  So…the only time I should deduce he’s got it all figured out – is when he says “let’s go” without adding anything else.  Otherwise if he says “I’ve got an idea” it means he wishes to start a conversation and anticipates this will be lively banter until we get the idea to where it needs to go. 

WHOA blue

Translation: I was requesting (strongly suggesting) that in order for us to communicate better, Walter should adjust his way of communicating to reflect intentions which would be similar to mine. 

Walter provided an alternate straight forward tool – if he says A it means X and if he says B it means Y. No room for any error in the interpretation.

The old me was screaming here while the new me pondered the rational logic of his explanation and suggestion.  Why should he try to speak with my thought process? He chose to hand me the code book so I would be able to translate the intent of his words – being good to go.

the-museum-of-historyWhen I was a child and one of my siblings or myself made the situation all about ourselves – brought the conversation back to what we were doing; what we were thinking; what we wanted – my dad would roll his eyes and say to no one in particular:  “back to the centre of the world”.   Meaning we were being self-centred and he wanted us to realize it – which we did not get since it was all about us anyway!  I seem to recall he said this quite a bit when we were young. He was indeed a wise man.

I’m realizing it’s not about how I like to communicate.  It’s not about thinking everyone else is either similar to me, should be similar to me, or should adjust to be similar to me in their communication style.  It’s about doing your best to recognize each person’s individual style and interpreting their words based upon their intentions not your own.

I need to take off by blue coloured glasses and see every person as they are – whatever colour they may happen to be. 

blue 2

For a moment I wondered why it has taken me so many years to realize such a very simple but oh so important fact.  Then I remember…we recognize something when we are able to understand and use it.  I am grateful I was able to recognize this now!  I have many more years ahead to communicate better with Walter.   

I leave you with a few questions:  What coloured glasses are you wearing?  What does this say about your communication style? What about others in your life? What colour are they? Can this tool help you to guide your children? Understand and communicate better with your spouse?   Help you with your interaction at work?  

images (87)Hightly possible!  BUT you won’t know till you do it.   

Check out the free basic Color Code here!

And please Let me know what colour you are! 

thank youI dedicate this post to 3 men:  My father who has been gone for 1/2 my life but his lessons continue to resurfact; Walter, the best father I have ever known; and to our son who made Walter and I parents – constantly showing us avenues to improve upon: He is our guiding light.  Happy Father’s Day! 

Thank you for stopping by AND for leaving a comment! 

Carolynn Sokil

12 thoughts on “Through Blue Coloured Glasses

  1. Sandra Owen

    What a lovely insightful post Carolynn. You explained both yours and Walters feelings perfectly. As a ‘White’ I totally understand Walter’s thinking. Whites like to talk things through. It does not mean everything they say is set in stone. They look for the opinions of those they love and trust; piece together all the best bits and finally come up with the answer that fits for them. My mum said to me once when I asked her for advice (she’s blue) “I don’t know why you bother asking, you always do what you want to do anyway!” lol …..True, but I do what I do after considering everyone’s valid opinions to help formulate my final decision. The final outcome may not agree with you, but I will take on board your views. Hope that helps you understand your hubby even more :) xxxxxxx

    Reply
    1. Carolynn Post author

      Wow! What a wonderful response – allowing me to understand more fully. Thank you Sandra for sharing. It has become a real eye opener. I look forward to spending this latter part of my life aiming to becoming unconsciously competent using these skills. Imagine all that we can accomplish!

      Reply
    1. Carolynn Post author

      Mahalo Linda for stopping by and for leaving such a powerfully description of what my words meant for you. I am blessed to have your in my life.

      Reply
  2. Cassandra O'Neal

    I love this!!! I am a white with a very strong blue secondary. a little red and zero yellow.
    I process fully before sharing ideas. Your interaction with Walter causes me to wonder at how adaptable we are as humans. As a white, I should be more like Walter, but I function more like you, Carolynn!! Food for thought!
    Love your post!! More to learn and implement !! :)

    Reply
    1. Carolynn Post author

      Thanks Cassandra – glad you enjoyed. Your comments lead me to one of the aspects I thought to include but figured I’d wait to hear what others had to say. Just because I’m blue does not mean that other blues would handle the situation with Walter in a similar manner. There are all sorts of other memes at play – years of colour adjustment due to the environments I’ve been raised in and worked in – all which influence your reaction. However, my core motivation remains. We are all on a journey of learning. I’m just glad we get to do this together!

      Reply
  3. Mark Laytin

    Great post Carolynn! Each of us follows the script to our own “movie.” So to expect others to see things exactly like we do is a large expectation…as you so eloquently made the case: far better to understand where they are coming from, the better to be able to communicate together!

    Reply
    1. Carolynn Post author

      Thank you Mark. What?? You mean it’s NOT all about ME? I am learning, as we all are, to recognize, relate, assimilate and apply. Thank Goodness!

      Reply
  4. Heather Plude

    I love your humor and honesty. You and Walter are such great people and it’s awesome that you are finding new ways to communicate better. I can so relate with the needing to talk things out part. I don’t always fully form my thoughts before I spew them to my partner in life… sometimes I have an idea is just an idea and never comes to fruition. Sometimes, it is a GREAT idea and we act on it after hashing out the details. Summer nights by the fire are a great time and place for doing some brainstorming!

    Reply
    1. Carolynn Post author

      Thank you for your kind words Heather. If you cannot be honest and laugh at yourself…what’s the point? Right? Appreciate you sharing it is similar – and that we all strive for better communication. Thank goodness for the colour code! Set for another fire side chat this evening! Sending you Hugs!

      Reply

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