I found myself thinking back to MY younger days. I recall being every bit of courage I could be – so many instances I can remember – all courage – all in my younger days. What happened?
I realized fear had set in.
Fear of what others would think.
How what I said would be perceived.
How I acted would be received.
It had been with me for over 11 years – either in my purse or my pocket. It now sits beside me on my desk. I looked over and realized it’s been with me all along.
I met Walter on Thursday, October 3, 2002 at a function for a local board of trade. Both our companies had signed us up to “network”. I was scheduled to attend their annual awards ceremony – the last thing I wanted to do after having been at a meeting in the city all day. I rushed home, walked the dog, changed and showed up. Everyone were at assigned tables. I went to sit down at an empty seat and was told it was taken. As I walked around the table to take a seat beside someone (rather than sit solo and wait for the seats beside me to fill in) I looked up and saw who I would be sitting down beside: Walter. Over 11 years later and I can still see and feel that moment.
Jump back 10 days earlier when I was picking the dog up from my friend. She commented that I should really start dating seriously again. I told her (emphatically) that I did not need a man in my life. 5 minutes from her house I called her from my cell – to apologize for lying to myself and her. I did wish to date again. I did wish to have a man in my life. However, I refused (said more emphatically) to settle for just anyone – I wanted someone to spend the rest of my life with.
Back to October 3rd. Walter and I talked. We ate. We were entertained. We exchanged business cards. The next morning our emails to each other crossed in cyber space. We agreed we were interested in connecting again. I went away on business the following day.
While in New York City, I came across a little knick knack store which sold…you guessed it… knick knacks! I purchased a small wooden keepsake box. In it I purchased and placed 3 small metal stones: Patience; Hope; Love.
I decided this would remind me to have courage – to be patient – to hope – to love!
The following Friday, Walter and I met for coffee. We then played pool for a few hours and eventually we went out to dinner. Interesting to now think back, so clearly on most aspects, but I do not recall who won at pool. Obviously these things do not matter!
NOW…I cannot recall what came over me…but ½ way through dinner I decided to lay all my cards on the table. I had NEVER done anything quite as bold before! I looked Walter square in the eyes….
March 8th, 2014 will be our 10th wedding anniversary. Our son will be turning 9 in June. We are blessed beyond what my wildest imagination could conjure back then. What I now recognize is we are where we are because of numerous acts of courage – both taken by myself and Walter.
I realize that courage is not about proceeding in spite of fear.
Courage is belief in the possibilities and the willingness to act on that belief. Hoo-Ah!
I leave you now with the last item which resides in my Courage box. It is Wayne Dyer’s definition of love (from Your Erroneous Zones). Walter had recited this to me very early on in our courtship. I typed it up and put it in the box.
Love: “The ability and willingness to allow those you care for to do and be whatever they want, without any restriction that they have to satisfy you.” Wayne Dyer
Walter, I dedicate this to you. I AM US!
Thank you for stopping by and allowing me to share.